I've been in situations #1


I've been in situations where people tell me their hopes and dreams for the future and I somehow feel a responsibility to make their dreams come true. I find myself checking on them to make sure they're working on those dreams constantly and with the same tenacity that I would. Although my intent is always for moral support which is a good thing, I sometimes get negative feedback for it. They say, "I'm a bit much" which pushes me into a deep state of overthinking and self-reflecting. I replay every detail in my mind, piece by piece, looking for the time I was over the top and when I can't find it, I start the search again. This could last for hours, days even.

It's also happened on the flip side where someone tells me a problem they're facing and I offer to help even if it's at my own expense. Then begins the cycle of over-analyzing to see where I went wrong. If you're an ENFJ like me then you know what I'm talking about. You probably have your own experiences which you can't explain to others because they won't get it or worse, they tell you to not care as much and we know how close to impossible that is.

Intensity is the card ENFJs got dealt; it's who we are by nature so other personality types may see that as being a bit much. We have the capacity to feel another person's pain and joy as if they were ours - a gift and a curse. What's helped me is embracing the good with the bad and learning to differentiate what's mine versus what's someone else's. I practice unloading my personality in doses rather than all at once to give others a chance to analyze me the way I meticulously analyze myself. A mantra I use to remind myself is "piece by piece".

Kindness includes you too. ENFJs have no problem showing kindness to others but not so much to ourselves because we feel deeply for them but don't know how to return the favor inward. What has helped is thinking of myself as a third party separate from me which made it easier to understand how to treat myself. In cases where I wasn't being kind enough, I used it as an opportunity to be kind rather than punishing myself for it.


To learn more about ENFJs or to find out your personality type, please visit www.16personalities.com

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  • Trish on

    Hi cc,
    Thank you for that beautifully written blog. I’m so happy that everything has come together for you. And being such a wonderful role model. Sending love right back to you. Trish

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