Trigger Warning

I hope this doesn’t trigger you but if it does, please know that it is not my intention to hurt you in any way. I recently noticed this within myself and started taking actions to change it and wanted to maybe bring this to your awareness if you do it also. Imagine for a second that you’re in a grocery store getting milk or butter or ice cream for yourself; you’re standing in the aisle and you see the brand you normally get. Imagine yourself grabbing it and putting it in your cart, now pretend it’s no longer for you but you’re getting it as a gift for a friend. Are you switching it to a different brand? My answer was, yes. Even in that made up scenario, I chose the cheapest brand for myself and switched to a “better” brand for my friend.

I know that was a privileged scenario but even in the simplest of things, I give people the nicer stuff and tell myself I can manage whatever was left. I don’t know where I first learned to do this but over the years, I had gotten really good at finding reasons to settle/manage what I didn’t really want. Not just in material things; it’s the same logic I use when giving and receiving love. It’s somehow easier for me to give than to receive love and I sometimes feel guilty when strangers are kind to me. How did I begin breaking this cycle? I pretended, just like you did today. I imagined I was receiving on a friend’s behalf and by some magic, began discovering my worth. Little by little, every day, that guilty feeling is fading and I’m not finding reasons to manage something I don’t want. If you’re treating yourself as second best, my wish for you is to realize your magic and break that cycle.

Thank you for reading. Here is today’s question and it’s a doozy:

What is something you’ll do for others but consider as “too much” for yourself? 

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    Mine is clothing if it’s not on sale I don’t buy it for myself. I will buy it for others

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